Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize