I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
