There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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