I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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