When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
