mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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