Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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