How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize