You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need a beard to bite.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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