I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
