he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
