Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
