I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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