why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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