dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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