remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
