I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize