3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
