he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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