y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
