I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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