there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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