doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
