My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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