so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
