I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
