if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize