It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
