he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
