i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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