I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
