Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
