At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
