So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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