I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
