therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
