lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need to sanitize my soul.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
