oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
