the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
