no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
