does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
