STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
