Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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