when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
