that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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