i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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