have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She bit a glass in half.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
