your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
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I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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