She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
