I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
