I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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