Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
