Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
