hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
