I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
