i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
