I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
