She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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