Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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