Non-Jews are for practice
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
