True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
