She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
