bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
im on a boat
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